Beloved, as I am praying for you, especially for those who are in relationships or whom Father is about to raise into a relationship with someone who is a forever partner, I wanted to share some moments that came in prayer for you. I am praying for divine appointments and let the fear of the Lord be upon me to not speak anything that would not bring healing to your heart.
The images that came were of a couple walking in the newness of a relationship, holding hands and enjoying each other’s conversation. There was much joy. And this joy brought such a bonding. So beautiful. So sacred in Father’s eyes and joy to His heart. As the relationship progressed and prayers were laid before the Father about the journey ahead concerning the two of you becoming one…there was something happening. It was not perceptible to our awareness. But it was still happening. Deep within there was a bonding taking place. Like yeast deep in the dough. Expanding. Blossoming. But none could have pinpointed that awareness… Only Father could see what was happening to you both. It’s a metamorphosis.
And this was a big point—when there were arguments, there was now an awareness that this was just growing pains. Much like a bodybuilder lifting heavier weights each session. Breaking down the muscle fibers and then resting, letting the muscles recoup, heal, reset, and then lifting heavier weights the next session…the strain was good because it was causing what was needed and desired. Greater strength. Greater endurance. At first even the bodybuilder may not notice any change in their physique. But it’s happening. There is a weariness that is hoped for at the end of every weight lifting session. You lift the weight until the muscle is exhausted. A desired effect.
But in relationships we want everything to be so full of joy continually that we don’t recognize the blessing that arguments and disagreements bring. First, strife is a symptom of selfishness, so we want to be reflective that our needs are not a priority to our partner and vice versa. Being in a long-term relationship requires a terrarium of sorts. An environment of commitment to look after the other’s needs. Relationships only grow and thrive in an environment of selflessness. It requires each person to say, “Don’t think about your own needs; I will look after you. And you will look after me. G-d and you are the priority.” It means communication is a crucial key. Don’t learn to do without. Learn to communicate what brings you joy. Read Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.”
Invest in becoming the best partner by being transparent, open to receive, and being an active listener and giver. Make each morning a time to pray over your partner and over their needs, and ask Father how best you can meet those needs.
Relationships are grown like any garden element. Weeds grow faster than edibles. And if we don’t deal with the weeds in our relationships, they choke out the edibles.
This is a brief overview. But I know there is someone I am praying for who has been asking, “Why is this relationship so difficult?” Make a commitment to talk with your partner. Go back to the beginning and talk about the blessing of arguments, frustrations…this is where the bonds are growing so much stronger. Storms at sea throw up a lot of trash onto the beach. That’s fab because then you can sort it out together. Find the treasures together. Throw out what is not working. Through time, we aren’t aware that we are actually becoming one and stronger together. Like a three-legged race, you are learning to move as one. To be in sync with each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Leaning on each other and strengthening each other.
We are moving into a rhythm that is not perceptible. We are learning to breathe as one.
Something that I have painfully learned from losing my husband, Peter. We walked together since I was 16 years old. Dated 4 years and married for 44 years when he passed. In the process of mourning, I realized so much about our journey together and how little we appreciated the arguments and their purpose, their intended blessing. The breaking down of the muscle fibers of selfishness in both of us and being forced to communicate differently grew us stronger; we were more bound to each other. We were becoming one without even realizing it.
Grieving is letting go little by little. It’s reversing the oneness process. The times when I have anger well up, I let it work its process through me. I let love, grace, and forgiveness come in and do their healing work for me. I’m becoming one now with Father on a whole new level. Deeper. There are more walks together with Him that are in silence, and that brings comfort. And when so many of life’s demands and details come up, He is so very present to guide, direct, and bring me the wisdom I need to be still and know that He is dealing on my behalf as my Advocate. Wisdom reminds me to stay humble so grace can take over. Humility is the proper attribute of true wisdom (James 3:13 AMPC). When the weeping comes, tearing from a lifetime of our being joined as two now becoming one alone, I have to let it become a beauty within me. A surrender. A tenderness of love that flows that I hadn’t possessed prior to losing Peter.
Everyone who has suffered through divorce or a break up knows that there was so much more going on in their joining than what was on the surface. That the unseen realm is so much more powerful than what is going on here in this realm. It’s why in the tenderness of Father’s heart, He says do not separate what G-d has joined together. Because Father sees the other realm. He knows how painful, how devastating it is for the two who became one to reverse that process and go from two to only one.
It’s better to respect the process of a relationship and let the fear of the Lord be upon all of us that we don’t treat as common what G-d has called holy…sacred…to be honored.
Know that I am here…always praying for you.
Tess
